There Are Times...

My sweet and happy SIL posted a "There are times..." status on Facebook today that made me think. This has been a kinda awful week for me in a few ways that I won't ramble on about. Oh wait, I probably will. This week makes me want to wallow and I probably will after I get done writing this supposedly upbeat post.

• There are times when I feel like a truly sucky mother because my 8 month old STILL doesn't sleep through the night. Sometimes I get so frustrated repeatedly helping him fall asleep that I want to let him scream himself to sleep and I hate that feeling. Makes me cry and rush to him after only a couple of minutes. Which leads to:
• There are times when I want to smack anyone who gives me any kind of parenting advice when I don't ask for it. I should also stick to this and sometime smack myself. Also:
• There are times when I want to stop listening to and reading what other people have done successfully with their kid and go live in a cave so no one will contribute my already "is this how I raise my kid right?" feelings.
  
• There are times when I feel like a lazy ass when I find a damp load of clothes in the dryer smelling nice and musty. Wonderful. Now I only have 12,000 loads of laundry to do today.
• There are times when I read the news and National Geographic and I lose faith in humanity. We are so divided and unthinkingly destructive.
• There are times when I want to be emotionally immature and hold a grudge or get angry for what someone has "done to me". I have to fight this to be accepting of others and look at the big picture and remember I LOVE/LIKE THESE PEOPLE. And no, I'm not talking about you, don't worry:)
  
• There are times when I want to spend time with my hubby, just me and him. And then I tell myself shut up, think how lucky you are to actually HAVE him.
• There are times when I wish I wouldn't tell myself how good I have it. Even lucky people deserve to wallow sometimes, right?
  
• There are times when I wish people and relationships didn't change with distance, age, and time.
• And there are times when I wish people would just grow up and grow a pair. This applies to me as well:)
• There are times when I hopehopehope I will be a good mama. When I plead/beg whoever/whatever to please let me do this parenting thing right. I want my kid to know I love him unconditionally, no matter anything. Which is what I whisper to him as he screams and goes through this "Sleep is for the WEAK!!!" phase.
  
• There are times when I wish everyone would think EXACTLY as I do. And then we'd all be so dull that we'd collectively explode and actually implode, simultaneously.
• And last, the one that bothers me a little: There are times when I gleefully murder the ants that crawl on my counters. What is wrong with me???

PS- Please return to your normally scheduled life.

I Wish I Could....

A couple different blogs this week have reminded me I don't need to be Superwoman to be a successful SAHM. You might be spitting out your coffee and sputtering in shock right now: What???? You AREN'T Superwoman????? Seriously???? NO WAY!!!!!

Yeah, I realize most of you have me on a preeeeetty high pedestal. Sadly, I'm about to knock myself off. Whatever that sentence means when you read it out of context.

With

1. a sweet baby who loves my attention,
2. a fixer upper house that wants me also,
3. the daily tasks necessary to keep our abode orderly,
4. yummy foods I must make,
5. sleep I very much need,
6. a hubby I long to see more than a few hours in the evening,
7. that stack of books I pass every once in a while and caress tenderly,
8. plus lots of Community and 30 Rock to be watched,

I feel stretched very thin sometimes. Sadly, Me Time is often the last thing on my list. But seriously, what parent does get enough Me Time? Anyone raising her or his hand out there?

Oh.

No one?

COULD IT BE OUR JOBS AND KIDS ARE SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF US?????? And oh you amazing working out of the home moms and dads, you are heroic.

Poor us. Poor women. Poor men. Poor humans. Let's have a pity party at my house this weekend!!!! I just need to clean, plan, and prep for it.

So here's a list of everything I DON'T do often. And I'm trying really hard to be okay with this list.

• Sew curtains, mend and alter clothes
• Go for walks or any form of exercise out of my house
• Mop
• Call and chat with my faraway friends and family
• Write in my or C's baby journal
• Play with my puppy dog
• Dust
• Organize all those bags in the guest room and C's closets
• Read magazines
• Fold and put away my laundry in a timely manner
• Do the dishes each night so the bugs won't get to them
• Finish all the projects I start during nap time
• Read all those tabs I have open on my Internet browser
• Remember to eat meals and snacks when C is awake, even if he does wants to grab all my food
• Coupon clipping and ad browsing before grocery shopping
• Work on my house to make it gorgeous

And a trillion other things. I wish I could do it all. I want to do it all. But I can't and I NEED to be okay with that. Over achievers like me struggle with not being able to do everything:)

We took C to a conservatory and he delicately, quietly touched the plants. So sweet:) Much different from the generally intense little guy he is at home.

Stefan and Bugs

First Of All: Do you ever get a word stuck in your head? Kind of like a song but it's a word instead? Like perspicacious or serendipity? Or names? Yesterday I had an NPR reporter's name running through my mind, a sports reporter named Stefan Fatsis. Fatsis. So fun to say! I'm mean, how does that even happen???? Words stuck in your head????? This is Stefan Fatsis BTW.

What. A. Dork. Me, not him. He's pretty awesome. I just found out from Wikipedia that he's married to Melissa Block. How amazing is that? I love NPR:):)

Back to me= dork. I know, I know, things such as my OCD mind chants should stay in my head (Bekah, be quiet) and NEVER see the light of day. Oh well. I hope someone else has this tic/problem too. I'm not that strange, am I? My baby thinks I'm awesome:) And so does my hubby, combined with occasional thoughts of "What a dork I've married."

Also, I wanted to tell you about the insects in my house. A lot of what I'm about to write is preeeetty horrifying information so look away if you'd like.

So we have insects. Lots of them:

1. Recently I saw tiny ants and
2. Medium sized black ants. They woke with spring and came exploring.
3. A tiny roach (?)(lets hope not) on its back on the stairs.
4. Normal centipedes.
5. Weird alien centipedes with wispy long antennae/legs (hard to tell case it was caught on a sticky mouse trap).
6. Not an insect but we have the occasional mouse, caught by the traps. So sad because they think this house is theirs. Don't know any way to tell them we own it now:(
7. Again not insects but we have seen: deer, squirrels, and raccoons.
8. Spiders- no giant wolf spiders but every other variety. Hopefully no shuddershuddershudder poisonous ones for my boy to pick up and eat.
9. Wasps horrershuddergrossdiealittleinside that could land on my BABY.
10. Earwigs. Harmless. Yuck still.

WHY DIDN'T WE CONSIDER THE INSECT/ANIMAL LIFE BEFORE BUYING A HOUSE IN THE WOODS??????? A HOUSE THAT HAD BEEN VACANT FOR 2 YEARS???????????

Sigh.

My philosophy on insects is KILL ZEM. KILL ZEM ALL. Except recently I decided to weed some spiders out of that category.

Service announcement: Those of you without 7 month old babies: appreciate your uninterrupted lives that have less love in them. This will only make sense when you actually have a baby so keep ignoring me for now.

Back to spiders. Did you know they kill other pests? I did but that mattered not in the fight for Less Fear In the World. Did you know that if you kill spiders and other carnivorous insects, the pests will take over? There are fewer carnivorous insects than there are pesky insects to begin with and if we kill all the spiders, that balance is tilted toward the OTHER bad guys (less frightening looking insects). I hope our spiders eat: ants, earwigs, WASPS, and other things I hate. Like pollution, laundry, and poopy diaper.

I feel that all insects in my house and in my hair are bad guys. Especially the ones that fly/crawl into my hair. Like WASPS. I hate you wasps.

But now I'm letting the spiders live. The smaller ones can stay in the house if they want. The bigger, ickier ones are now banished outside instead of being killed. The other day I even showered (carefully) with a smalltiny spider. With my glasses on (the glasses were on me, not the spider). In the shower. Couldn't see much!

The wasps are always killed though. ALWAYS. If only we could find the true source of their origin in the house.

Wasps, Torment to My Soul

By Sarah The Magnificent

Cursed wasps, why do you torment me?

Through you I have found my first real phobia.

And it is not pretty.

What if my baby catches my fear?

I want him to grow undaunted. Fearless.

A fighter.

Yet I fear what I fear, he will fear.
I shall irradiate you all before he grows.

No one out there is allowed to tell me wasps are good insects. Or that my poem sucks:)

Sunday's Shopping Trip

It's my lunch break and I'd like to talk about something lighter than yesterday's post:) While I'm prefacing things, I'd like to say: Sorry for the teeny, odd font. Blogger/my computer/the universe changed yesterday and I can't fix it. I bet my charming hubby can! If I remember to ask him tonight.

I'm buying a new computer in a couple of months to fix this issue:)

So SUNDAY: I went shopping. Without my boy. OOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGG!!!!! I know it's only been 6 months that he's been alive out of my uterus, but what and AMAZINGLY unproductive 6 months it's been!! A cozy, delightful, cuddly, playful, happiest-6-months-of-my-life yet very unproductive. Even though I packed and unpacked my household/belongings 3 different times to move, bought a distressed house (following a trend), cleaned and fixed it, and am now happily residing there, it's been hard. And I only have ONE kid!!! Imagine how much I'd be complaining if I had more!

That's all to tell you I felt more productive in 3.5 hours (10:30 AM-2:00 PM) away from baby C than I have in a while. I went to 4 FOUR 4 (4!!!) stores in 3.5 hours. I haven't gone to more than 2 consecutive stores in 6 months. In case you don't know this: once you have a baby, your life revolves around your little pumpkin's sleep schedule! My beautiful boy sleeps so well in his swing or in my arms, and occasionally the carseat if he's uber tired. He doesn't like shopping trips too much though.

Back to the point: I went to Lowe's first. The thing I love about Lowe's, Home Depot, and our local hardware store is the customer service. We go to those places because every employee you pass asks if you need help. SOOO nice when you are wandering around a store bigger than a football field (I think?) (PS- our hardware store is tiny, like a preschool football field). We used to go to Menards ALL THE TIME but finding someone to help you there is like putting C to sleep unswaddled: tough. So: I like customer service in a hardware store:)

Then I went to Kohls. Exchanged some gifted clothes C can't wear due to sizing, got him more much needed onesies for free (basically!). Good service again:)

Next, off to Old Navy. C's wardrobe is getting bare. Sure, he doesn't need a lot. 4-5 short sleeved onesies, same for long sleeved onesies, a couple pants, couple shirts, few pjs, and socks. But he's outgrowing them. And I wanted 1-2 more outfits for cuteness' sake;) So I shopped Old Navy's sale and spent the rest of the exchanged money:)

Last stop: JoAnn Ect. Why I keep shopping here is BEYOND ME. Please remind me to nevernevernever go back! I think they hire only grouchy people. I think they hate their customers. Wish I didn't like the sale prices so very much! Took me 20 minutes to get fabric cut and check out. At this point I HAD to get home. C naps for me, only me, and just me. And he needed a nap.

So I'm FRANTICALLY driving home to my hubby and babe. I hate it when J has to care for C when he screams. The baby will accept no one but Mommy for sleeping. It's a phase! One day DADDY will put him to sleep! And Mommy will drink wine and read in the evenings:)

What's the point? Get all your shopping and errands done now, while you don't have kids. And if you do have kids? I guess we'll wait 5-10 years until shopping becomes easier.

Car Rides of DEATH

This afternoon I need to go to the grocery store. And this seemingly simple task has me stressed already on this lovely sunny Tuesday. Here's why:

This Chubby Little Angel makes my life a living hell in the car. And I realized yesterday that I'm getting slightly bitter about it. It doesn't matter if I leave the house when C is sleepy, full, and clean, he will scream until I pull over/arrive at destination and pick him up. Scream for the whole trip, cling frantically to Mommy afterward. It's our routine now:(

Just thinking about it is making me cringe because there is nothing worse than Tiny Ball of Delight and Smiles shrieking as if you've abandoned him in the middle of nowhere with no milk, no warm cuddles, and no naked bottom tummy time.

I need to remind myself that all of my 7 nephews and nieces behave very admirably in the car now that they are older. Baby C will do the same at some point in time! After all, he sleeps so well through the night, naps so marvelously each morning, what are car rides and PM nap disasters compared to that?!?! 

Right.

Sorry for the complaints:(

The World's Vices

I went to dinner with my friend Janet and after talking about books, we strayed to the topic of What Is Wrong With the World. Here are my top 10:

1. Lobbyists
   
2. Republicans
3. Democrats
4. Religion
5. Credit card companies
   
6. Parents whose children do no wrong
7. People who love their guns a lot
   
8. Children who do no wrong
9. Haters
10. Husbands who tell wives what to do while wielding large red pots that they pretend to be drying, fresh from the sink
    

Number 10 is courtesy my my sweet hubby who asked me what I was doing and if he had allowed me Internet access for this post. He suggests Dick Chaney for number 10 but I'll leave it as is until he can come up with a good vice. HAHA.

These are thoughts I've had since coming down with a bad cold Thursday:

1. Should I really be staying home if I'm not puking and dying? Yes, I know I have 48 sick days saved up, BUT STILL. What about the chillens? They need me!! I assuaged my guilt be the reminder that I would have wilted under The Power of The Fourth Grader in my delicate condition. Plus they would have been drenched in my germs.
   
2. Yesterday I sneezed at least 60 times. I counted sneezing bouts and multiplied by 4 since I tend to sneeze in 4's. And these aren't my normal tiny sneezes, these things are BIG. For me.
   
3. I've spread germs on probably every surface in the house. Lovely. Of course I worked VERY hard on this, PURPOSEFULLY.
   
4. Yesterday I rebounded in the middle of the day and did laundry, hung out laundry, organized guest room closet, organized my closet, went through clothes, did dishes, and cleaned the house. This is when I did the most damage spreading germs.
   
5. The Internet doesn't have anything new. Books make me sleepy since I'm not sleeping well BECAUSE I CANNOT BREATHE. I've read 3 magazines. Watched 7 episodes of Gilmore Girls. Ate a lot.
   
6. I like being wide awake at 2:30 AM or 5:30 AM because it gives me time to do things. Such as looking at EVERYTHING on the Internet. While sitting on my butt.
   
7. I don't like not sleeping. But even more, I HATE the repetitive, inescapable, sicky dreams I have. OH MY do I hate dreams when I am sick. It's like I'm hallucinating and all I want to do is LEAVE THE DREAM, NOW. But often I can't. So I suffer through them.
   
8. I'm using cloth napkins to soak the snot oozing out of every pore of my being. I'm not wasting tissues but and spreading germs, once again, by carrying around a snot encrusted red napkin.
   
9. I complain a lot.
10. I'm snarky.
    

Seriously, you'd think I'm dying from this post. No, just bored. I was with myself all day yesterday.

Since I'm up so early, you think it would be okay to go spread my germs at garage sales?

BTW, next week this time, I'LL BE IN NEW HARMONY. Or waking up to get ready to go there.

Metatarsalagia

That's what I've got, ladies and gents. I've been asked not to walk on my metetarsalagia-ed foot unless it is unavoidable. For the next week. Allow me to be sad for a moment because this is what the next week holds: crazy kids, field day (my absolute favorite day of the school year), a lovely weekend, Memorial Day, crazy kids, picnic and kite day, and the last day of school. 

There. Now I am done.

Right now J is in the kitchen singing about some cupcakes my friend Kaycie made. Apparently sugar turns him on tonight!! He's so weird. Yesterday he walked through the living room and kitchen carrying the weed wacker because it was shorter than going around the house and through the gate. Last weekend, after working on the car, he wiped engine grease off his hands with tissues. The other day he wiped the table with his hands.

I think I am getting irritable for too many little things and need to shut up!!!! J is a wonderful husband:) Boy, I'm sweet tonight!!!!

Pic info: My sister's violin, a spider my brother told me to photograph w/ his macro lens, my Mac and rock candy.